Just To Say Goodbye

With tears streaking through the grime
I hang my head under a blazing sun
Crumple to the dirt in this construction site squat
As truth and desolation set in.

Awash in a sea of pain
Waves of guilt lap over me
I remember all the times I wasn't there for you
Now...that I've lost you...for eternity.

Your sweet affection, your helpless dependence
Just begging for my attention
Is this how I treat something I love
With brusque neglect, leaving lingering tension.

I'm coming "home" just to say goodbye
To cup you in my palms and ask them to kill you
I never wanted it to be like this
Never felt this strongly the guilt of an abuser.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, my little angel
For how long I've left you alone in a cage
For looking away when you've sought out my eyes
For the filth, the neglect, the long lonely days.

I wish I could make this up to you
My voice sounds hollow and flat
Watch me forsake you one last time
Because I'm still not coming back yet.