Then

It’s a game
Cute and flirty
We’re both laughing

I’m not winning.

I feel like I’ve lost control
You won’t stop
I can’t make you stop

The memories take over.

And I feel
The way I felt back then
Out of control
Alone
Afraid
Damaged and unloved.

What I know doesn’t matter
What’s now, in the future
Makes no difference to me
I’m five, ten, fifteen years old
All over again

I can’t forget.

This isn’t going to go away
Haunting memories
They take me back

And I’m not here
I’m not yours
I’m not me
Anymore.