Wander

Crying on the phone
I didn't want this call
It's too late, too late
Eighteen years of potential
Ninety-one years of history
Crumbled away to dust
Slipped between my fingers
Couldn't quite grasp
I was too far
Too long so far away.

Never did get close enough
In the end there's an ocean between
I wanted to cross it
I just needed more
More time, more money, more patience
Couldn't you just hold on
I know it was you who made the choice
Decided to let go
I can't think of this right now
When can I say goodbye
You couldn't have held on just a little longer
How selfish of me.

Wherever you wander
God will find you
But I won't
I can't
I wandered for so long
And now you've wandered away from me
Just when I was ready
I wanted to turn back
I wanted more
Too much, too far, too long, too wide
The gap of generations
Alzheimer's, depression, shyness, suspicion
Ontario, Saskatchewan, mobility, cost
Desire.

I held your hand when you cried for him
Now who's with me while I cry for you?