Forget

Thinking about trying something new
Maybe along the lines of
lipstick and cocaine
A Bettie Page look
Classic hot stuff
Miniskirt, leather jacket with a
coquettish smile.

Bondage, fetish-wear, a bottle of
strong wine
costing more than ten dollars
so that I'll feel like an adult.

A done-up girlfriend,
a downtown pad
Maybe two girlfriends
two boyfriends
Handcuffs
Mascara and rouge. 

Surround sound
Bass woofers
The kinda neighbours you
can rail speed with at 5am on Thanksgiving
while the turkey gets cold.

I've always wanted to
explore that road
just a little further
than I have before. 

I mean,
If I don't look like me
If I don't act like me
If I become
unrecognizable, then maybe
just maybe
she will disappear, with
her razor blades and dreams and broken
scarred palms and heart and liver and
walking away, and
violent
memories, and
then maybe
just maybe
after she's drowned and buried and cannot be seen -
I will forget.